Side Effects Include Dehydration

by Sarah Lilius

“ethereal poppy” by Judith Skillman

The psychiatrist tells her to drink

two gallons of water a day

as if there’s something he knows

that he’s not sharing.

Some secret to end a life,

to drown in clear necessity,

or a mission for immortality,

perpetual kidneys, constant operation,

a monologue that never balances,

never ceases sadness.

Lithium, the root shadow inside

her body, is pharmacology hovering

over the bright spot of bipolar disorder,

parents in lab coats with salty gloves

and a chemical smell to last.

She steps off the curb with sudden intensity

or she lays down on concrete, the sky

consumes once-manic eyes.

All she wants is to function, to float

in the lake, a lotus flower.

She is a red flag made maroon with wetness,

the time wind takes to design slight threads.

Depression is a stranger

handing her their wedding bouquet.

Confusion blooms outside the heavy church

where she claims the daisies.

The sidewalk against her skull is cracked

with slight weeds, chewing gum

as misshapen circles, graffiti

that outlines her body, she rushes

the flowers home.

She places them in the fluid of life

so decay is slower. Joy is temporary,

beauty, always matched, it staggers

as non-liquid as she turns on the faucet.

Water turns cold over her fingers,

no rings to wheel around

intricate bones, she drinks

and tastes nothing.

Sarah Lilius is the author of the full-length poetry collection, Dirty Words (Indie Blu(e) Publishing, 2021) and six chapbooks including GIRL (dancing girl press, 2017) and Traffic Girl (Ghost City Press, 2020). Some of her publication credits include Fourteen Hills, Boulevard, the Massachusetts Review and New South. She lives in Virginia with her husband and sons. Her website is sarahlilius.com.

Judith Skillman paints expressionist works in oil on canvas and board. She is interested in feelings engendered by the natural world. Her paintings have been featured on the covers of Thin Air Magazine, Pithead Chapel, and Torrid Literature. Work appears in The Penn Review, Artemis, Raven Chronicles, and other journals. Skillman has studied visual art at McDaniel College, Pratt Fine Arts Center, and Seattle Artist League (SAL). Shows include The Pratt, Galvanize, and SAL. See more at judithskillman.com.